马克·吐温
美国幽默作家
马克·吐温（Mark Twain，1835年11月30日—1910年4月21），原名塞姆·朗赫恩·克列门斯（Samuel Langhorne Clemens），是美国的幽默大师、小说家、作家，同时也是演说家，被誉为“美国文学中的林肯”。
语录
编辑- 问题不是蠢人特别多，而是闪电都没有准确击中每一个。
- The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.
- 绝不要和愚蠢的人争论，他们会把你拖到他们那样的水平，然后回击你。
- Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
- 快乐的情感是来源于与不好的事的对比，而快乐本身并没有任何意义。（12月9日之每日名言）
- Happiness ain't a thing in itself --- it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. That's all it is.
- 真正的大不敬是不尊重别人所信仰的的神。（5月25日之每日名言）
- True irreverence is disrespect for another man's god.
- 人类是唯一如此的动物：他爱护他的邻居就如同爱护他自己一样，但是如果对方的宗教神学有问题，他会割断对方的喉咙。
- He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself, and cut his throat if his theology isn't straight.
- 每一个人生下来都拥有一项资产，它比其他所有的资产价值都高，就是他最后的一口气。
- Each person is born to one possession which outvalues all his others --- his last breath.
- 良好的教养在于隐藏我们对自己较佳的评价，以及隐藏我们对他人较差的评价。
- Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
- “名声”如同是蒸气，“声望”如同是意外，在地球上唯一可以确定的事情是被遗忘掉。
- Fame is vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.
- “原则”是“偏见”的另个名称。
- Principles is another name for prejudice.
- 被大胆说出的预言，从来不会被迷信的人认为是愚笨无趣的。
- Prophecies boldly uttered never fall barren on superstitious ears.
- “必要”不认识任何的“法律”。
- Necessity knows no law.
- 当你为爱情而钓鱼时，要用你的心当作饵，而不是用你的脑筋。
- When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- 如果所有的人都是富有的，那么所有的人都是贫穷的。
- If all men were rich, all men would be poor.
- 经常要坦白地承认一项过失错误，这将使你的上司意料防备不及，才会给你一个机会去犯更多的错误。
- Always acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
- 首先去取得你的事实，然后你才能够随心所欲的扭曲误解它。
- Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you like.
- 一个人最危险的敌人是他自己的口舌。（5月28日之每日名言）
- The deadly enemy of a man, his own tongue....
- 一本怀有恶意的书籍将不会伤害到任何人，除了写它的傻瓜。
- A malignant book would hurt nobody but the fool who wrote it.
- 预言是人类唯一一项无法由重复练习而进步的技术。
- Prophesying was the only human art that couldn't be improved by practice.
- 亚当真是一位老糊涂，他本来一切事情都很顺利，而且他已经成功的赢得社区内最漂亮女孩子的芳心，但是他对自己的征服成果却感到不满足，他必须去吃那一颗可怜的小苹果。
- What a fool old Adam was. Had everything his own way; had succeeded in gaining the love of the best looking girl in the neighborhood, but yet unsatisfied with his conquest he had to eat a miserable little apple.
- 印度拥有两百万个神灵，他们崇拜所有的这些神灵。在宗教上其他的国家都是穷人，印度是唯一的“百万富翁”。
- India has 2,000,000 gods, and worships them all. In religion other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire.
- 如果你收养了一只饥饿可怜的狗，并且让它舒适顺利，它将不会咬你，这便是一个人与一只狗之间最主要的差别。
- If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
- 没有一个世纪，也没有一个国家曾经缺少过这样的专家，他们能够知道神祇的心思，而且也愿意表示出来。
- There was never a century nor a country that was short of experts who knew the Deity's mind and were willing to reveal it.
- 但谁会为撒但祈祷呢？十八个世纪以来，有谁具有共同的人性，为一个最有需要的罪人祈祷？（出自《简·兰普顿·克莱门斯》）
- But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteencenturies, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?（From Jane Lampton Clemens）
- 当一个人阅读圣经时，他对于神祇所知程度的惊讶往往低于他对于神祇所不知程度的惊讶。
- When one reads Bibles, one is less surprised at what the Deity knows than at what he doesn't know.
- 有一个人从天堂来到人间旅游，他所使用的是有效三十天的减价票，他试图要把他的回程票卖掉。
- Ingersoll's story of the man that went down from heaven on a reduced-rate excursion ticket good for 30 days --- and tried to sell his return ticket.
- 为了练习，神首先造了傻子，然后祂创造了教育委员会。（11月30日之每日名言）
- In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then He made School Boards.
- 虽然在一切的成长物中，爱情看上去是最快的，究其实却最迟缓。男男女女没有一个人晓得什么是十全十美的爱，除非一直到他们结婚了二十五年之后。
- Though love seems the fastest of all growths, it is really the slowest. No man or woman knows what perfect love is, until they have been married a quarter of a century.
- 在四月一日时，回想一下这一年来的其他364天自己在做些什么。
- The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
- 我会用city而永不用Metropolis来表达城市，用cop而永不用policeman来表达警察，既然三丶四个字母可以赚七个美分，为什么要用长而赘的字呢？
- I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get the same money for cop.
- 不要把事实告诉不值得的人。
- Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.
- 真相比小说更加荒诞，因为虚构是在一定逻辑下进行的，而现实往往毫无逻辑可言。
- Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.
- 让我们陷入困境的不是无知，而是看似正确的谬误论断。
- What gets us into trouble is not what we don't know. It's what we know for sure that just ain't so.
- 每个人都是一个月亮，总有一个阴暗面，而他从来不会让人看见。
- Every one is a moon and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
- 人一生有两个最重要的日子，一是出生的那天，二是发现你为何而生的那天。
- The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
- 为气候上天国，为同伴下地狱。
- Go to heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
- 服装决定人的型态，全裸的人对社会几乎没有影响。
- Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- －Merle Johnson, More Maxims of Mark (1927)
- 二十年后，你会懊悔更多的是那些现在没做，而不是真的做了的事。所以，抛开绳结，驶离安全的港湾。掌握好你的风向，勇敢的探险，梦想，发现吧。
- Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than the ones you did.So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. （注：这句说话被部分人质疑不是由马克·吐温所说的。）
- 每当你发现自己和大多数人站在同一边，你就该停下来反思一下。
- Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
- 当真理还正在穿鞋的时候，谎言就能走遍半个世界。
- A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes.
外部链接
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